Why do we start and stop all of the time?
If you have unhealed trauma or are triggered in your past painful experienced, you actually have two versions of yourself.
- Current self: Desires results and change (I would like to lose weight, pay off debt, start dating again)
- Wounded self: Looking to always protect (goes into isolation, self sabotage behavior, and hiding)
There are two separate agendas within yourself that compete against each other. When things get triggered and safety gets poked, your behavior reverts back to the old habits and patterns. It will be helpful for you to realize that there are two different sides of you that are going to cause the start and stop pattern.
When you start to feel guilt for your reactions in trigger, it is important not to label the two separate parts of you as “good” or “bad.”
Once you start to classify “good” versus “bad” actions and choices you start to bring in more judgement on your behavior. The judgment is what feeds the beliefs in you that keep you stuck and stopped.
For some of us, we get so miserable and uncomfortable that we become ready for the change and start again.
You may want things to be different this time, but eventually you will hit the same bump in the road and the beliefs within yourself will cause you to stop again.
If you can keep moving forward in resilience without the stop, when you release the harsh judgments on yourself. This is where you truly start to embody grace and acceptance.
The core fear behind the start and stop, is the realization of how hard it truly is to get momentum going again.
We have to embody a lifestyle of resilience and understand that we are not meant to be perfect. Everyone starts and stops, but what separates those who get results from those who don’t is acceptance and trust.
When you stop, rise back up and keep going.
When you start to have different versions of yourself competing, you can also start and stop yourself in multiple directions. In order to keep resilient in one direction, you can’t keep changing your mind and actions. You need to start to value the commitments to yourself.
“Consistency in the same choice is the only way out of this start/stop pattern.”
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